You Don't Need Affirmation From People That Don't Care About You

Amy Fowler

Chances are, you have some serious fans in your life. People who have stood by you during the hard things and cheered for you during the best of moments. People who would never leave you. They fill up the front rows before the stage of your life and hold up big signs and banners. They cheer when the music stops and they sing along with you during the refrains. These are the true fans. The ones who went to great lengths to earn their spot at center stage.
 
But if you’re anything like me, you may find yourself from time to time looking past all these people and straining your eyes to see If the people who are in the corners of the arena are paying any attention. These are the people who wanted seats instead of standing. People who weren’t willing to pay the price to get the full experience. The people who came in late and were maybe dragged along by another. The light show dances round the room and they check their phones. They cover their ears when the music gets passionately loud. As opposed to the loud ruckus of passion from the floor, their chant is one of apathy.
 
You know what I’m talking about. We all have a few people in our lives who we desperately want to be on the floor but have chosen the box seats. We know their chair number by heart and somehow that one person’s lack of delight in us speaks more highly to us than the enthralled crowd in our face. It plays out in a number of different ways.
 
When that one person doesn’t like your newest post on social media.
When the outfit you mused over doesn’t catch his eye.
When a family member doesn’t approve of your lifestyle or career.
When that coworker makes a snarky comment
When you hear a former friend is throwing shade.
 
It can undo a person.
 
You've got a great crowd at your feet, cheering you on and making known their love for you by means of extravagance.

But you hardly notice because you are looking for them, scanning the silhouetted shadows of the arena, looking for a form that resembles their face. You don’t even notice the bright banners 10 feet in front of you because you’re too busy checking to see if they are even looking up. When the song concludes, you overlook the roses at your feet and the hands reaching out to to touch you because you’re busy hoping that that person in section 15, chair 503 is giving you a golf clap.
   
My humble advice today is simple:
Don’t beg for a golf clap when you’ve got a crowd at your feet.

Even if it’s only a few. Hey baby, three’s company. And as a matter of fact, there’s nothing wrong with giving yourself a standing ovation every once in awhile too.  

If today you simply cannot help but scan the room for him or for her, then remove all temptation by closing your eyes. Listen to the rhythms of your own song. Allow yourself to be caught up by what you are and what you do, the beating of your own heart as the only affirmation you need that you who you are and what you are is altogether lovely. Let the confetti fall and the sporadic dance of lights reflect off your face and the faces of the ones you love. Flail your arms and dance about.

This is life, and as a matter of fact, it’s yours.
No golf clap needed.